ouch. my eye.
no stranger to humiliating injury, minor emergency and small scale disaster- today i suffered an eye injury.
i got shampoo in my eye.
no, not a little lather run-off easily wiped away.
i got an entire squirt of shampoo in my eye. not the pea-size recomended dosage either, a good handfull of suave professionals. in my eye.
dont ask how it happened. i dont know.
i can tell you without hesitation that being 8 months pregnant and carrying 35 extra pounds has done nothing to make me MORE graceful or demure.
i dont know how i managed to get a fistfull of shampoo right into my eyeball, but now- looking back- im a little surprised it hadnt happened before now.
it burns. undiluted shampoo in your eye hurts like a mothereffingsonofamotherlessgoat. its the worst. i actually screamed.
and when the shower water didnt have the pressure or concentration to wash the offending gel out of my eye socket, i had to hop- screaming- out of the shower and rush to the bathroom sink.
a little back story.
a. the sink height in our new bathroom falls precisely at my belly's widest point. its a challenge to get close enough to wash my hands, let alone get my entire face under the faucet.
b. we recently installed a water saving device on the sink that has to be triggered constantly to make water flow. you cant just turn on the faucet and get a steady stream of water, you have to now turn on the faucet and constantly engage the device to get any water at all. tough to do when youre half blind, screaming in pain and can barely reach in the first place... this is my reward for going green.
so. i have to abandon that bathroom sink and run screaming for the hall bathroom sink. soaking wet. on concrete floors. still not graceful. still with the non-existant center of gravity and suddenly half blind and in obscene pain.
at this point i started to cry.
aparently, human tears activate the fire chemicals in shampoo. i was now in MORE blinding pain... making me double blind.
i was able to flip that faucet on and get a nice, healthy, earth-killing stream of constant, steady water to rinse the bulk of suave out of my eye... but that did nothing to stop the pain. i rinsed and rinsed and rinsed and cried and stood at the sink dripping and screaming and wishing i had a free hand to call poison control.
at this point dorian woke up and offered me one of zoes sippy cups to hold against my eye as a rinsing device... also did not stop the pain.
eventually i was able to wash enough suave out of my eye that it only felt like i had just been burned in the eye by a red hot poker and not that i was currently being burned in the eye by a red hot poker.
my eye continued to burn and throb for the rest of the day and i kept rinsing it out to little effect.
in fact, around 2pm i started wiping bubbles and soap chunks out of the corners of my poisoned eye.
the good news is, it feels better now. and its never been silkier.
k.
but now it's gone and I take the blame
and there's nothing I can do but take the pain.
i got shampoo in my eye.
no, not a little lather run-off easily wiped away.
i got an entire squirt of shampoo in my eye. not the pea-size recomended dosage either, a good handfull of suave professionals. in my eye.
dont ask how it happened. i dont know.
i can tell you without hesitation that being 8 months pregnant and carrying 35 extra pounds has done nothing to make me MORE graceful or demure.
i dont know how i managed to get a fistfull of shampoo right into my eyeball, but now- looking back- im a little surprised it hadnt happened before now.
it burns. undiluted shampoo in your eye hurts like a mothereffingsonofamotherlessgoat. its the worst. i actually screamed.
and when the shower water didnt have the pressure or concentration to wash the offending gel out of my eye socket, i had to hop- screaming- out of the shower and rush to the bathroom sink.
a little back story.
a. the sink height in our new bathroom falls precisely at my belly's widest point. its a challenge to get close enough to wash my hands, let alone get my entire face under the faucet.
b. we recently installed a water saving device on the sink that has to be triggered constantly to make water flow. you cant just turn on the faucet and get a steady stream of water, you have to now turn on the faucet and constantly engage the device to get any water at all. tough to do when youre half blind, screaming in pain and can barely reach in the first place... this is my reward for going green.
so. i have to abandon that bathroom sink and run screaming for the hall bathroom sink. soaking wet. on concrete floors. still not graceful. still with the non-existant center of gravity and suddenly half blind and in obscene pain.
at this point i started to cry.
aparently, human tears activate the fire chemicals in shampoo. i was now in MORE blinding pain... making me double blind.
i was able to flip that faucet on and get a nice, healthy, earth-killing stream of constant, steady water to rinse the bulk of suave out of my eye... but that did nothing to stop the pain. i rinsed and rinsed and rinsed and cried and stood at the sink dripping and screaming and wishing i had a free hand to call poison control.
at this point dorian woke up and offered me one of zoes sippy cups to hold against my eye as a rinsing device... also did not stop the pain.
eventually i was able to wash enough suave out of my eye that it only felt like i had just been burned in the eye by a red hot poker and not that i was currently being burned in the eye by a red hot poker.
my eye continued to burn and throb for the rest of the day and i kept rinsing it out to little effect.
in fact, around 2pm i started wiping bubbles and soap chunks out of the corners of my poisoned eye.
the good news is, it feels better now. and its never been silkier.
k.
but now it's gone and I take the blame
and there's nothing I can do but take the pain.
posted by k.lenz at 12:26 AM
1 Comments:
hahaha! I love your stories! I can absolutely imagine everything you write!
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