are you ready for some football?
when i turned 30 i decided to set some goals for myself.
1. brew my own beer
1.a) become the sort of beer snob who says things like "personally, i like my brew more hoppy with a chocolate finish" and then one of my beer friends will say, "i prefer a nice summer ale with lemony undertones." and i'll reply, "how dare you!" and i will slap that person's face and storm out.
2. become a fan of a sport
these are just two of many. but this is where ive set my sights for now.
item 2 is more likely to be accomplished quickly and, obviously, step one of goal two is deciding on a sport to learn to like.
i considered something borderline obscure like soccer, rugby, or competitive eating. in the end i decided im no hipster. i want to be sincere. and i realized that part of this goal of becoming a fan included the shared experience of watching a game with other humans. i want high fives to be involved. so many high fives. and in the end it became clear that if i were a fan of rugby, i would likely end up spending time with dudes who have ironic mustaches, wear white belts, and would consider a high five too cliche.
something traditional then.
baseball, i thought. they have the best movies about their sport. the hats are good, i like the pants. and, i used to "play" softball in a real life league. i did. no, seriously. league rules stated that you had to have at least 4 girls to a team or you had to forfeit. the rules also included a clause that two of those girls must play infield positions... and thats the story of how i became catcher for the Mail Boxes Etc. softball team. the reality of this is that we held "mandatory meetings" at a bar before each game, which did not improve my skill or grace one bit. and one time i got hit by a pitch so hard i thought my wrist was broken. my mistake on that occasion, they told me, was that i tried to hit the ball instead of dodging it the way i usually would.
we didnt win alot of games.
i was 90% sold on baseball and ready to get started figuring out which of my cable channels is ESPN when dorian threw a wrench into the whole thing. i think he figured i was all talk until he realized that he was soon about to be subjected to watching baseball games frequently and would probably, at some point, have to take me to chase field (which is where they do the baseballing, as i understand it)
he cast his vote for the sport of football. actually, i think what he said was, "if youre going to make me watch sports it better be football because baseball is boring and dumb."
i put it to the facebook test and... football it is.
i like it when other people make my choices for me.
so. a fan of football i soon shall be. i figure there will be ample high fiving and im pretty excited to get one of those jerseys that football fans wear, its going to hide the baby weight really really well.
the thing im wrestling with now is the fact that i cant go buy myself a jersey until i pick a team to support.
1. brew my own beer
1.a) become the sort of beer snob who says things like "personally, i like my brew more hoppy with a chocolate finish" and then one of my beer friends will say, "i prefer a nice summer ale with lemony undertones." and i'll reply, "how dare you!" and i will slap that person's face and storm out.
2. become a fan of a sport
these are just two of many. but this is where ive set my sights for now.
item 2 is more likely to be accomplished quickly and, obviously, step one of goal two is deciding on a sport to learn to like.
i considered something borderline obscure like soccer, rugby, or competitive eating. in the end i decided im no hipster. i want to be sincere. and i realized that part of this goal of becoming a fan included the shared experience of watching a game with other humans. i want high fives to be involved. so many high fives. and in the end it became clear that if i were a fan of rugby, i would likely end up spending time with dudes who have ironic mustaches, wear white belts, and would consider a high five too cliche.
something traditional then.
baseball, i thought. they have the best movies about their sport. the hats are good, i like the pants. and, i used to "play" softball in a real life league. i did. no, seriously. league rules stated that you had to have at least 4 girls to a team or you had to forfeit. the rules also included a clause that two of those girls must play infield positions... and thats the story of how i became catcher for the Mail Boxes Etc. softball team. the reality of this is that we held "mandatory meetings" at a bar before each game, which did not improve my skill or grace one bit. and one time i got hit by a pitch so hard i thought my wrist was broken. my mistake on that occasion, they told me, was that i tried to hit the ball instead of dodging it the way i usually would.
we didnt win alot of games.
i was 90% sold on baseball and ready to get started figuring out which of my cable channels is ESPN when dorian threw a wrench into the whole thing. i think he figured i was all talk until he realized that he was soon about to be subjected to watching baseball games frequently and would probably, at some point, have to take me to chase field (which is where they do the baseballing, as i understand it)
he cast his vote for the sport of football. actually, i think what he said was, "if youre going to make me watch sports it better be football because baseball is boring and dumb."
i put it to the facebook test and... football it is.
i like it when other people make my choices for me.
so. a fan of football i soon shall be. i figure there will be ample high fiving and im pretty excited to get one of those jerseys that football fans wear, its going to hide the baby weight really really well.
the thing im wrestling with now is the fact that i cant go buy myself a jersey until i pick a team to support.
posted by k.lenz at 1:43 PM
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