bullet in a bible

im excited.
i have the international superhits DVD with all the music videos.
i have the network DVD, which i stole from my friend jillian and probably should give back.
i had the riding in vans with boys DVD that chronicled the journey of the band that opened for green day and blink 182 on the pop disaster tour, i had it because there are parts with green day of course. but i had stolen it from my friend tommy and i guess he must have stolen it back because... i dont have it anymore.

p.s. when i say "stole" i mean "borrowed with a remote intention to one day return... if asked to"

id like to win an early copy of the DVD. i am a member of the idiot club. but... if my blog reveals nothing else it should tell you that im not the sort of person likely to win things.

so ill buy it on november 15th like every other sucker.
ill watch it in the mornings while i get dressed and while i clean the house and before i go to bed, probably.
until someone tells me that my behaviour is absurd and that i should grow up.
you have a kid now, theyll say, what kind of example are you setting?
i figure on hearning that alot.
and always ignoring it.

k.

i know i am crazy
and a bit lazy
but i will try
to bring you up again
somehow

the last green day show.

its very sad to hear the bunny's music and not get to see the bunny. for serious. i know they brought the costume. does aol have something against the bunny? come on, aol. we like drunk bunnies.

i had commented earlier about how empty the floor was so it was awesome when billie joe called for more people to come down onto the floor. but, it also sucked, because they went nuts and crushed the fuck out of us, in the HANDICAPPED section. handicapped means "please do not crush". dont people know that.
plus, i had a laptop with me. and it wasnt mine. it belonged to some guy from network live and i feel they would have been upset if it had been crushed. so i spent the whole rest of the show cradling it between my feel and making sure no one got too close.
it made it so i couldnt blog during the show, which was probably for the best. for me. no one would have been reading it during the show anyway. i took notes on my arm about stuff i didnt want to forget to mention. mainly things i just didnt want to forget.

it was great to hear american idiot all the way through again. we saw them do it this way last october, before the album came out. its a lovely bookend to the green day trip experience.
also, it gave them a good reason to use all those extra banners they had aparantly been saving. they had a jimmy banner and a homecoming banner and... other banners as well.

the best part is when they do one of the songs that makes billie joe go all crazy. st jimmy, king for a day, homecoming... those are the ones you wait for. he does something that can only be called scampering. manly scamering, though. punk rock scampering.

i do think that playing whatsername as an encore instead of the last song on the album, which it is, is a weird choice.
i think the idea of saying that minority is the last song and then leaving the stage for a few minutes before coming back and playing an encore, is weird altogether.
the idea of an encore is that the audience wants more, right, that they are so excited to see more that the band decides to come out and play more songs to reward the good audience for being a good audience.
so... its kind of beyond the point to do a fakey encore.
not that i didnt want to hear more songs. i always want to hear more songs.
but i also want to feel like, if i cheer hard enough and loud enough, i can hear EVEN MORE songs.
i dont know. its not a well thought out theory.

loved the big group hug moment at the end of the show. i dont know if that made it to the AOL airing. but they all came out and did the equivalent of a curtain call.

afterwards we went back to the network live room downstairs to get rid of the computer and get our stuff.
we saw many famous people in the backstage areas. zach braff. matthew fox. tim armstrong. some kid from the OC.

we didnt get to meet the band. i guess that would have been the ultimare ending to our experience. but, as it was, the show was a high enough note to end on.

besides, i have this theory that its bad luck to meet your idols.
again, its not a well thought out theory.

k.

there is no return from 86
dont even try

the network, revised edition

we got to see just a few minutes of the sound check for the network. that was maybe the coolest thing. they were kind of just messing around, seemed like. i dont know what a sound check is supposed to be like, but that was the best thing ive ever seen. they wore their masks and complete costumes the whole time, which i imagine was sweaty, but i would have really really really liked to see them in the costumes without the masks... i would have felt like i had won something.

i like that even the roadies and techs wear ski masks, it really shows comitment to the overall effect. i think i should wear a mask if i ever get to see them again.

the show started late, and i guess thats because the sound check went way long. it was sort of cool to be privy to that information instead of standing outside going, "what the fuck... theyre 15 minutes late!"

keytars are so cool. i would want to play that, if i had to pick one instrument. but, i might have a hard time finding a band that wants me.
i really wish they had broadcast the network. i would like to watch the highlights again and i know people want to see them play.
they all wear creepers. its kind of amusing to think of billie joe changing from his network shoes to his green day converse. hes wearing a silver jacket that says "disease is punishment on the back" punishment for what, i would like to ask him. because i have some overdue library books and i would hate to get SARS over it.

so they worked out this little routine, and they did it at the last show too, they do this choreographed, synchronized dancey routine with guitars side to side, head bobs and so on. its a nice break for jason, i think, from his step-together-step-together number.

when they did spike, which is amost the best part, it was really hard to hear. i like to hear billie joe talk. or... fink... talk. about anything. anything at all. he could talk about what a bitch i am and i would just listen with dreamy eyes.
i heart fink. i wonder if it wouldnt be possible for me to marry his alter ego... something to look into... i could be the sassy wife of the lead singer/guitar player of the network, the counter part of adrienne, but we would never be in the same room together. and i guess i would have to wear a ski mask. and our babies, which we would have ten million of, would have to wear ski masks. then we would be a little bit too much like the jackson family for me to feel comfortable.
but, when he plays roshambo, my very very favorite... i figure i will take whatever i can get.

i like that mike, as van gough, gets to be in the spotlight and kind of front the network at least half the time. mike is rad. my overwhelming love for billie joe sometimes distracts me from this fact, but it remains true.

the network is an awsome band. a fun band. they are like pop tarts. sure, filet mignon is good, but every once in a while a pop tart is exactly what you fucking need.

k.

im a teenage rebel and im fucking bored.

green day at the wiltern

Pink bunny!!!

Well, it’s the ymca at least, I hope theres a pink bunny….. not yet…no pink bunny… so sad…

How can they play ymca and leave the bunny backstage, hes probably drinking and crying back there. Throwing his tiny bunnies at the wall.
He should be crying and drinking out here.

Theres all these little kids with hairsprayed fauxhawks. Which might be adorable to some people, but they are edging into my area. I guess I have to learn to like kids pretty soon.

Blitzcreig bop and still no bunny. Unfortunate.
But now its time for green day

American idiot
Billie joe is bringing 100 more people to the floor…

Ok, theyre going to ctush my computer… more later…


as soon as the show started we got so fucking trampled, in the handicapped section... that i had to protect the computer that the tech guys gave me with my life.
to be honest, i used the computer as a sheild to protect my baby.
sue me, network live.i took notes on my arm.

here are the show notes:

played american idiot front to back

he said the home depot center show was a 60 yard stage and he must have scored 5 touchdowns.

st jimmy banner

he brought 100 more people onto the emptyish floor, thats when we got trampled

st jimmy is the best song they do. billie joe goes crazy

ditches the vest after jimmy

adrienne told him to put novocain on the album, thank you adrienne

so much fire... so hot

extraordinary girl is different. i have no idea what different instrument they use on the album. maybe i will find out.

jason white always looks really worried while he plays

he lost the tie

i miss the blue guitar a whole show without it is no green day show

mikes guitar has an anchor on it

homecoming banner

billie joe does what can only be called scampering during homecoming

what happened to whatsername?

whatsername played as an encore... ok

leaving the stage for ten seconds and then coming back makes us FEEL like its an encore... but its sort of not. unless they werent going to do it and then the audience response talked them into it... right? i dont know

longview, theres baby blue guitar...

tim armstrong is here

minority, the extralong version with billie joe on harmonica

billie joe gestures to the band to quiet down or get louder or slow down or hurry up

he did the super long heeeeeeeeeeeeeey-oh. and the the audience does it and we feel like we acomplished something. impressed him maybe.

after the show adrienne got cornered by fans and had to get pulled out by security. thats exactly the kind of psycofan i dont want to be. super not psycho. super fan.

love,

k.

i will make sense of this, into some sort of coherant something. at some point tonite.

this was the best fucking show ive ever been to. ever. i should never go to another show again because ive peaked.

thank you mary forrest.

and... i just saw matthew fox. tvs mathew fox. from lost. and once he was on party of 5.

k.

shes an extraordinary girl
in an ordinary world
and she cant seem to get away

between shows.

waiting for green day now.
since this is such a small show and they sold so few tickets, it seems like everyone here has a pass, a laminate, a sticker, a premission slip of some kind granting them all different levels of access.

they're being very stingy as to who they let down onto the floor in the very front.
theres so much space down there we could have a square dance. which sucks for all the poor suckers who waited for days and days to get in here. i bet everyone who actually got down there knows someone whose working for the show. or aol. or network live or the wilturn. or knows someone who knows someone and thats why they get to be down o0n the floor. ordinary people dont get to be that close.

but... as someone who actually knows someone this time around.... im not sure how to feel about it.

all the stuff theyre putting up as promo for the show is of billie joe in his black short sleeve red tie look. which is his summer look. they should update it to his long sleeve vested look, since it is the fall...

im wondering if we will get to see the pink bunny out here. i really really hope so. people need to know about the pink bunny.


k.

network notes

so, i have to fix this later to help it make sense. but for now, this is whats happwning at the show.

theyre starting late. i guess they had to wait for the stage to get smoky enough.

transistors gone wild.

i heart keytars.

reto.

i really like all the pants made out of tape. very hardcore.

they seem to be filming the network play even though i know network live isnt airing it online. which is ridiculous. anyone who cares enough to see this green day show cares about the network too.

disease is punishment. is what it says on the back of billie joe... fink's jacket

it has a beginning, it has an end... joe robot...

ok its really hard and weird to type during the show... misspellings will abound.

money money 2020

they soundchecked with their masks on. if thats important to note.

jason, whose my new best friend since i saw him eating a hot dog, is very sexy with his head bounce/ side to side footsteps routine...

love and money


dont know this song.


even the crew guys wear ski masks

they do this choreographed little dance with head movements and guitar swings and what have. its like a ballet. a new wavey punk rock sort of costumed character ballet.

spike!!!!!
no phone this time

mike...van gogh, who sings most of the networks songs and was wearing a navy blue sweater over a white shirt just a second ago is wearing a red velvet coat and baret now for some reason that im sure makes a ton of sense when explained.

im a teenage rebel and im fucking bored

i would like to have my own pair of silver creepers someday.


supermodel robots

not quite a femmebot but almost an alien...
lesbien chunky fucky slam dunk cosmonaut...

this is pretty much the best thing ever.

spastic society.

mike has a podium.

prescription...nitrogen... automatic autostatic...

they all have creepers on.

fink is standing behind the drums. arms folded. like hes secret service. he hits the drums as he puts his fist up in the air.

right hand o rama...

this is my second favorite.i dont know why i dont know why it sure feels good most everytime...

i heart fink. i wonder if it wouldnt be possible for me to marry his alter ego... something to look into...

roshambo. my very very favorite.....

they all have tape/leather pants. im trying so hard not to, but all i can think of is the amount of ball sweat these men must be experienceing...

hovering spaceship....
song i dont know....

spaceship not hovering so effectively, but i expect thats the desired effect...

im very seriouslyu considering going as fink for halloween. just in case anyone wonders what that might look like on a pregnant chick, leather pants and a silver ljacket with a ski mask...

the hovercraft is pretty much two kiddie pools spraypainexd and stuck together with strobe ligfhts on the inside.

x-ray hamburgers

van goghs tape is coming away, peeling off... its creepy..l..

x ray hamburger is you...


i think they could use a few more spinning flashing lights in their stage show. and i say that 100% facitiously because thre are at least 1000 flashing spinning lights onstage.

and thats that for the network. fucking fucking awesome.

every fucker here is so god damned lucky. i hope they know it.

k.

WILTURN- preshow entertainment...

well. we made it here.

the coolest thing so far was that we walked in right past adrienne. we were wandering around mysteriously in the same restricted area that she was wandering around in mysteriously... very satisfying.

we had to sit outside the house while the network did their sound check because, as we were told, the band wanted everyone out of the building while they did their checks. but we were in there for about a minute before they kicked us out. best minute ever.

now im sitting in a handicapped section with someone elses computer on my lap getting ready to blog during the show with a whole lot of strangers looking over my shoulder. exciting.

k.

sausage.

were getting ready to go to the wilturn for the super secret network live show. i guess its not secret anymore though. but, no matter, dorian and i have crew passes. which means we get to go places that weirdos like you and i are not ordinarily allowed to go.

we probably wont get to meet the band, but we might... theres a chance... a better chance than i have ever had or will ever have again.

so, i put on make up and put product in my hair, which is further than i am normally willing to go as far as dressing myself is concerned.
i would like, if it were possible, to look hot. or sexy. or... at this point i would be happy to look vaguely humanoid.
i cant wear anything a normal person might wear and i refuse to wear the sorts of things that they expect a 5 months pregnant woman to wear, so im stuck finding something that will just, you know... fit. the result is that i look like a giant sausage.

it makes sense, at least as far as my life goes, that on the evening that i get to go to the coolest thing that i will ever get to go to and on the one occasion that i might be within the sight line of my hero/make believe boyfriend... i look worse than i have ever looked in my whole life.
wheres the glow i have heard people talk about? cause it aint on me.

sigh.

k.

look this direction
i know its not perfection
its just me
i want to bring you up somehow.

holy shit again.

theres a link to my blog on AOL music.
for serious.

http://music.aol.com/network_live/concert_videos/green_day/live

theres a thing at the bottom that says green day road trip and it links to my blog... this blog. so heres a link to that page so you can, you know, go around and around between them.

its what im doing.

k.

shes a symbol of resistance
and shes holding on my heart like a hand grenade

PINKs.

we just went to pinks for hot dogs like you do at midnight on a monday.
and while we were there we saw jason white, who plays guitar with green day.

dorian said hello to him. im always too nervous and weird to talk to celebrities. seriously. once i saw the guy who directed cabin fever. who? you ask? cabin what? and youd be right. its not like he was tom cruise or some celebrity with snipers to shoot you if you approach them. its like being afraid to say hello to your local news anchor.
when you see someone whom you recognize, that probably doesnt often get recognized, doesnt it even almost prove youre cool to say hello to them?

theoretically im down. but i have enough trouble talking to regular people without being a spaz. so i mainly smiled while dorian got hot dog advice from a member of our favorite band.
it was really cool.

k.

sugar and spice and everything nice
wasnt meant for only girls.

better thank your lucky stars.

we do get to go to the super secret wilturn show after all!
mary gave us our passes today, they are glorious. they are perfection at the end of a lanyard... and laminated and the word CREW appears... did i say they were laminated...
very exciting. terribly exciting.
what sucks is that mary wont be with us for the green day performance. her company seems to think that she can do better commentary on the show from home, rather than from the show. genius.
shes going to come see the network with us though, which is something at least.
i will be blogging from the show. and im so excited. even the baby is excited. either that or it has a hampster wheel in there.
i like to think that baby heart green day too.

k.

gotta make a plan gotta do whats right
cant run around in circles if you want to build a life
but i dont want to make a plan for a day far away
while im young and while im able all i want to do is...

Greenblog

photo's from our trip

http://www.greenblog.textamerica.com/

something unpredictable

the very last thing in the show, on an otherwise dark stage, billie joe stands by himself and plays good riddance (time of your life).

now, it may just be the hormones or the hormones in addition to the fact that i felt the baby really seriously kicking and jumping and doing its thing in there, which means in ME, for the first time today...
but when he was up there singing, i got a little bit emo.
ok. i got weepy.

we have to go home on wednesday. its the end of our trip. its the end of alot of things. its the end of the world as we know it.

for a green day fan, an old school one at least, things will never be like they oncce were. we'll never get to see them play anywhere other than a giant stadium after this tour. thats why the wilturn show is so exciting.

im glad its the last stop on our last trip.

this whole thing was the last irresponsable, ridiculous and carefree thing that me and dorian will get to do for the next 18 years.
the last time we get to be kids before we have kids. the last time we get to be a couple before we are a family.

there are so many things that are changing for us. well, everything, to be specific... everything is changing for us.
and its scary. well, terrifying, to be specific... everything is terrifying.
but its never been better.
and, as far as last hurrahs go, im glad this was ours.
because ive never had so much fucking fun.

so as billie joe says at the end of his shows, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for making this the best tour of our lives.

im feeling emo again.
im going to blame the hormones.

k.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to do.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
I hope you had the time of your life.

los angeles

home depot center
sunday october 9th, 2005

LIGHTS OUT

tonite was the last official night of our extravaganza. it was the last show that we had tickets for and, since it looks like we wont get to go to the super secret wilturn show, it was probably the last green day show for us.

so, makes sense that this show would be the best and worst of the whole thing.

2,000 LIGHT YEARS AWAY

we never got our tickets in the mail so we had to call and then go pick them up at will call. i thought we had general admission tickets. turns out we had seats. and not awesome ones.
home depot center is about the biggest fucking stadium ive ever been in. and we were about as far away as you could get from the stage and still be, technically, inside the home depot center. somebody said that it was an "intimate" stadium setting. yes. "intimate". indeed. in so far as the state of arizona is an "intimate" setting.
it had to be great for the band because there were so many fucking people there it was unbelieveable. but we may as well have been watching the show from a plane flying over los angeles. or we could have just stood outside marys front door and simply turned our heads in the direction of the stadium and it would have almost been the same distance.
the good news was that they had many large screens so we could see what the little dancing blurs on stage were actually doing.

THE WEST COAST HAS BEEN TRAUMATIZED

we were also dismayed to see a big flogging molly banner hanging onstage. i dont much care for flogging molly. yes, i find their scottishness delightful, if they were to stand onstage and simply read from the phone book then i might count myself a fan. but as it is, i could live without them.

jimmy eat world played a few different songs this time. they played blister, it was the only song off clarity they played at all and its one of my favorites. its always nice to see tom linton sing a song or two. dorian has a big man crush on him. dorian loves most things that come from the grand canyon state. im glad we got to see jimmy eat world on this tour. they are our home town rock stars.

LIGHTS OUT
i pledge alegiance to the flag
of the united states of america
and to the republic for which it stands
one nation
under god
indivisible
with liberty and justice for all.

green day was on fucking fire tonite. this was the best ive ever seen them play.
and they had fun, you could tell, they had a great fucking time.
and they changed up their set list. which, for me and dorian, made a big difference.
and billie joe changed up his chats, which made the biggest difference.
after the first couple of songs he usually mentions that green day has been a band for the last 17 years.
then he talks about the first times they came to whatever city they happen to be in. he drops the names of some of the small local venues they used to play in and then he thanks everyone for making the american idiot tour the best time they ever had.
tontie he started out that way. and then he veered.
he talked about how every show they play is the best fucking time they ever had because they do exactly what they want to do everyday. he said not to let your bosses or your teachers or your government to tell you what to do. do what you want to do, do what you love to do, and live your fucking life every day.
it was far more inspiring than any episode of oprah ive ever seen.

during holiday billie joe calls for lights out and the whole place goes black.
he shines a flashlight into the crowd as he recites the pledge of allegiance.
its a really great moment in the show but, mainly, i think he does this mostly for his own amusement.

they played J.A.R. instead of 2,000 light years away.
first time i heard it live. fucking rad and amazing.

billie joe brings a kid up onstage at each show to shoot a watergun out at the crowd. tonite he brought out his son. now, dont think that im creepy enough to just recognize his kid on sight. i am not that creepy.
billie joe brought him out from backstage rather than from the audience. and he called him joey.
yes, i am creepy enough to know that joey is billie joe's sons name. but its tattooed on his arm, so its really not that weird.
also, the kid looked like billie joe. cute as can be.

before they played knowledge billie joe started calling out for tim armstrong. i got so fucking excited at the prospect of getting to hear tim armstrong, who ive never seen play live, sing knowledge, his own song, with green day. but i guess he was suddenly missing or something, because he never came out and they went ahead and played it green day style with only one armstrong.

for their encore they started with maria, as per usual. actually, jason white started to play boulevard... but he stopped quite abruptly as if to say, "oh... right... sorry." and then they played maria.
which they followed up with homecoming.
a perfect perfect perfect ending for their official end of the american idiot tour.
its an awesome ten minute long song that wraps up the whole album and mike and tre both get to sing their little vignettes.
it was perfect. did i say it was perfect? well it was. so fuck you.

k.

so send my love a letter bomb.
and visit me in hell
were the ones going home.
were coming home again.

shes a rebel

ive seen adrienne armstrong (mrs billie joe) at the last 5 green day shows ive been at
she can be seen over by the stage or in the wings or over by the sound booth or just genrally wandering around in places where suckers like you and i are not allowed to wander around.

adrienne is beautiful. shes an awesome punk rock mom. shes, like... the only role model for someone like me.
everytime i see her, though, i wonder just exactly how creepy it is that i know who she is.
maybe its not that creepy. she was with them at the grammys and at the VMAs and she was on their episodes of behind the music and driven.
still, if i were to scream at her next time she was walking by me, that might be weird. and besides, what would i say? "adrienne! i love... your husband." "adrienne! how do you keep your hair in dred locks like that?" "adrienne! will you please be my friend??"

mmm... no. i think that would cement me into the psychofan hall of fame and, as it stands, id like to stay just a superfan.
its better for both of us that i leave her to wander around mysteriously.

k.

shes a rebel shes a saint
shes the salt of the earth
and shes dangerous.

Las Vegas

Thomas and Mack Pavillion
thursday october 6th 2005

ALL I REALLY BELIEVE IN IS YOU...

we were sitting around in our hotel room, grateful to finally have a few minutes to spare between car and show and, because theres obviously nothing else to do in las vegas, dorian was using that time to look at the green day website. lame, yes. but useful. we found out that the network was opening. so we went down to the theater way way way early.

and... the best part was... that the jailer, my very protective and tenacious d, let us get right up front.

the network was fucking rad.
they played almost all of the songs off of money money 2020 and a couple of songs that i have mysteriously never heard before. they played roshambo which is my favorite song at the moment. billie joe or, should i say, fink, did spike, and it was so fucking rad. its basically just him doing a monologue with a chorous of mike, or van gough, chanting "heroin".
it was a total awesome surprise. like finding 20 bucks in the pocket of a pair of jeans that suddenly fit again because you lost ten pounds without even trying.
i thought i would never get to see them play.
especially beacuse they arent really an actual band.
and speaking of that, aparantly it is a well kept secret.
only a few other kids there seemed to know anything about them and most of the people on the floor with us were standing around wondering who the hell the freaks in costumes were.
... which was the best.
finally, it was like they were my dirty little secret again. me and d screamed along with the band and we were the only ones.
but, even in that shiny leather suit and with a sock over his head... theres no mistaking billie joe armstrong.
those kids are all suckers. someday they will find out what they missed and they will feel like jackasses. and i will feel satisfied knowing they feel like jackasses.
why am i so competitive? maybe im not taking enough folic acid.

we had to move back a little for jimmy eat world. they were good. they havent changed much in the last five years. but its nice to know that a bunch of kids from mesa can escape. im not a huge fan of futures. i like futures, the song. i like pain, polaris and a couple of others. but overall its not their jaunty best. i long to hear something from clarity. wheres lucky denver mint? sadly, it was not to come. but, when they play in the middle everyone goes nuts and you have to like that.

when green day started we were so close. ive never been that close. i was less than ten feet away from billie joe. i could see how much eyeliner he had on. i probably got sprayed with a little bit of his sweat. mmm... sweat.
i made it through the first three songs up front and screaming, and then i found out what the limit is for a lady whose 5 months pregnant and whose been to three rock concerts in three days...
i got really dizzy. i got really hot and i couldnt breathe.
dorian had to drag me out of the crowd and we spent the rest of the show at the back of the floor trying not to faint. i never really got my breath back. as bad as i wanted to get back into the frackus i couldnt stop seeing stars. and not the pyrotechnic stars one is supposed to see... the ones that mean your brain is slowly dying. so we spent the rest of the show in the back.
but we stayed. we stayed until the end.

k.

i dont believe in the solar eclipse
i dont believe in valentines
i dont believe i asked opinions
i dont believe i stretched the truth
i am not looking for a bargain
all i really believe in is you...

HOLY SHIT

the network is opening for green day tonite....

holy shit!

k.

phoenix.

america west arena
wednesday october 5th 2005

for the first time on our green day trip me and dorian had general admission tickets... floor acess... little red wristbands that give one permission to run around and smash into a whole lot of other people with little red wristbands.

and even though there were little kids and old people all over that arena floor there was only one person being physically held back from the fray... and it was me. and the holder back was dorian.

we were still up pretty close, over to the far side near to the aparant protective powers of the low barrier wall. i was closer to the stage and the band than i have ever been at a green day show, or maybe it just seemed that way because of all the short ten year olds. i knew i could get closer though, i could see the wriggle room to get up to the front and be close enough to reach up and touch billie joe... but every time i took a step in the direction of the stage i was grabbed by the waste band (albeit the elastic maternity waste band) of my pants and dragged back to the safety of the wall.

becky nelson suggested that i get a metal collander and strap it over my belly as baby armour.
im starting to think its a good idea.

the show was great. the best so far. and im sure its because being down on the floor makes the whole thing seem more real and exciting. like, maybe they'll see me in the crowd and fall in love with me and take me away with them forever and ever. or... maybe i can catch a guitar pick... something... anything...

were in vegas tonite. we have floor tickets again.
ill let you know if i am able to escape this time.

k.

cold turkey is getting stale
tonite im eating crow

where have all the riots gone?

As the cities motto gets pulverized
Once in love but now in debt
On your birth certificate
So strike the fucking match to light this fuse.

Gracious, times have changed.
In my lifes concert going experiences ive always been among people of the same general ilk.
The sort of people you’d figure would go to see the pixies. The sort of people you expect to see at the white stripes. The sort of people who would, absolutely, stand in the sun at Coachella.
Im used to looking around at a sea of sweaty, smelly, surly type people and realizing that, although weve never met… we know each other. At least in the vaguest and most superficial ways.

The ways that soccer moms know other soccer moms and can give each other advice on the latest juice box technology. The way dentists know other dentists and can discuss the philosophies behind waxed and unwaxed flosses. The way that hedgehogs can smell and identify other hedgehogs… I don’t know.

As much as we are all beautiful and unique snowflakes we are also all… well…. We’re all still snow. We all find our way to a tribe of people who have all had, essentially, a similar life experience. A little group that’s always been and always will until the end.

Do you dislike your parents? Do you have a college education or quasi-college education that is completely going to waste at your current retail/office/food service job? Do you Tivo the Daily Show? Do you think the president is a douchebag? Is your hair style unnecessarily complicated?
Excellent!
See you at the green day concert.

…or so I thought.

Now I look around at the green day shows and I don’t see anyone I recognize.
I see kids. I see parents. I see frat boys. soccer moms with juice boxes. Cubicle people. Clean people. Groomed people. Brand name people.
They sing along to American idiot, they love Boulevard of broken dreams, they go nuts for Shout, they know time of your life, but that’s as close as they come.

And I cant help but feel sorry. Theyre missing all the good stuff. They’re getting cheated. And, much much more importantly, they are cheating me. I want to walk away with that feeling that we are all in it together, we “shared” a moment, I want to always feel like part of this was mine.

And now, instead, I have to face the fact that I am old. That the times they are a changing. To everything turn turn turn and all that bullshit.
The world has changed. Turned and left me here. my life has changed, and is changing, in at least one very obvious way that tends to get a little weighty around my middle section.

And besides all that, I have to let go.
Green Day belongs to the world now.
To VH1 and MTv2
Theyre never going to be my dirty little secret again.
Ill have to go on knowing that my mom knows all the words to wake me up when September ends. Ill have to shop in target while they play waiting over the speakers.
Ill have to go to the concerts and stand between the middle aged and the middle schooled and find a new way to feel like part of this was mine.

the band deserves all of their success.
but i still wish that i could send the fakers packing, back to their coldplay albums and avril lavine concerts... we'd all be better off.

k.

tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial
for what its worth, it was worth all the while.

new mexico

NEW MEXICO
Journal pavilion
Tuesday, October 4th 2005

SOMEBODY GET ME OUTA HERE

Anybody get me outa here
Somebody get me outa here
Get me the fuck right outa here
So far away, I don’t want to stay
Get me outa here right now….

Everything in new mexico is lame. For serious. Worst place ever.
First of all, was anyone else aware that New Mexico is in a different time zone than the rest of the south west? Because I didn’t know. maybe I didn’t know because ive never been to new mexico or maybe because I never bothered to learn anything about new mexico or maybe because I see no reason for this smelly, flat, deserty state with its dumb southwestern freeway art to be any different from its neighboring smelly, flat, deserty state with their lame southwestern freeway art.
Seriously. Come on new mexico, get with the fucking program.
California can afford to change its time whenever the fuck it wants because America cant live without California.
America has no use for you, new mexico. So keep that in mind when you decide to be all difficult with your time changes. If the USA ever decides to trim the fat, you will be the first state to be given back to old mexico with our sincerest apologies.

And yes, its true, I am just an impatient person who never bothered to “learn” about “time zones” I admit it.
But I still vote no on new mexico.
Even their streetlights are dumb and sideways.

Anyway, we would have had time to spare.. until we found out that crossing the border into this state steals an hour from your life and, suddenly, we were running late.
So we headed straight to the show.
Now, the Journal Pavillion happens to be situated at the top of a fucking mountain which can only be reached by a two lane windy ass road that goes on and on for at least 73 miles. Not a very convenient place to see a show.
Then, once you fucking get through the 73 miles of bumper to bumper cars and park in the dirt and straw covered waste land and you think you are finally on your way to see the show, that’s when you find out that you have to hike at least 37 miels back down the fucking mountain to get to the stage.
At this point, and im not kidding, it started pouring rain.

We missed Jimmy Eat World, for the second time, while we were on the windy mountain road.
We missed the drunk pink bunny while we were on the hike down to the entrance. Which sucks. Because I like that drunk pink bunny. I really do.
We could hear American Idiot while we hiked down from the entrance to the stage
we didn’t find our seats until halfway through jesus of suburbia.

But once we found our seats, and we could see the show, I had a giant, involuntary sigh of complete relief. my back was about to break from the million years in a dodge neon and the weight of baby, but there was mike dirnt in his sleeveless shirt bouncing around with his bass. My feet were aching and probably a bloody mess after our unexpected expedition down the mountain, but there was tre cool with his impossibly high hair and that dumb look on his face. I was quickly soaked in the pouring new mexico rain, but there was billie joe… sweet sweet billie joe… in a vest and a tie… one full sleeve and one three-quarter sleeve… one arm band with a big red star and one arm band that said RAGE… tight pants… hardcore belt… the humidity was clearly not a benefit to his shaggy hair, but once you see him standing there with that baby blue guitar… you could set me on fire and I wouldn’t be distracted.

The show was basically the same show we saw in san diego. Same set list and what have. Less fireworks but more rain. Instead of slurring “san diego” every so often he slurred “new mexico!” instead of telling stories of their first visits to san diego, playing at Canes and Soma, he told stories about visiting New Mexico and playing a place called the Store Front. And strangely the trumpet player, who had been from san diego two days before, was suddenly from albaquerque.
The energy of the show was different. That seems like a dumb thing to say… the “ambiance” of the show was different? The mood? The atmosphere? What sounds less gay?
The people of albaquerque seemed genuinely more excited than the people of san diego. They seemed to be way way more thrilled by every shouting of “heeeeey- ooohhhh” and they seriously lost their shit when billie joe did his traditional screaming orgasm routine. Not that I blame them. Whenever he calls out for somebody to fuck him I have a small stroke.
It was awesome whenever he would shout “new mexico!” because everyone would really really go nuts in a way that seemed to say “that’s us! WERE from new mexico! Hes talking about US!!”
I guess the thing I noticed the most was the crowd had a great fucking time out in the pouring rain. They went crazy. They freaked out. I have to assume its because they live in new mexico and things to get excited about don’t come along that often. But the crowd was amazing. They sucked the life out of every moment of the show… in the good way one can suck the life out of something.

Oh… and the kids they brought on stage to play knowledge were great. The drummer was awesome. The bass player was really really good. Ok, the first two guitar players got thrown off stage, but the third one was rad. They finished the song and billie joe got to sing the last verse. So, well done there.

Bottom line, wonderful show. A delight. Truly.
I cant wait for tonites show, two down… four to go… and I still cant get enough.
Mostly though, im so so so happy to be getting the fuck out of the fair state of new fucking mexico.
So long suckers!

k.

somebody fucked the president
and no one knows where maria went

wont kill you.

notable things on the way to New Mexico:

theres a place called "alien fresh jerky"
it uses the power of extra terestrials to sell dried meats.

theres a place on the 15 N where the ten commandments are displayed on the side of the highway.
we only saw 4 of them, but i have to assume the other 6 were there somewhere.
they were dumbed down for us sinners too, "you should not kill" rather than the more difficult to understand "THOU SHALT not kill"

we saw a pair of hitch hikers whose sign simply read "wont kill you"
which made me want to stop for them, untill i realized that is exactly what someone would say if they WOULD kill you.

in all of these instances i was too slow with my camera.

now im at a place called the Knights Inn in Kingman, AZ. it is dissapointingly not midevil themed.

k.

always move forward
going straight will get you nowhere

san diego

coors ampitheater
sunday october 2nd

ive seen alot of green day shows. im about to see alot more. the san diego show was the first in our green day marathon.

BABYS FIRST ROCK SHOW

we had seats for this show. good seats. but seats.
its awkward in the rows of seats. confining your rocking out to the twelve inches of space around you. we were on the end of the row, and i got slightly trampled. billie joe always invites people to run down onto the floor, and those people trampled me. aparantly only fat guys run down when billie joe calls to them. dorian got all secret service and dove over in front of me. im not sure if his plan was to guard me or to attack them, but its nice to know that the instinct is there. we have seats again in new mexico, so we'll have to wait till phoenix to discover the joys of general admission.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT I DONT KNOW

its a well known fact that the band always invites kids from the audience onstage with them when they play knowledge. they get a drummer, a bass player and a guitar player.
in fact, ive often thought of learning to play knowledge on the guitar. i dont really need to learn how to play the guitar, i just need to learn one song. then, i can lie and say ive been playing for years and no one would never know the difference.
why havent i dont that yet? well, first off, im lazy. and secondly, i dont want billie joe and i to build the foundation of our relationship on lies.
right.
so. this time, the kid they picked to play the drums didnt work out. after tre smacked him on the head one too many times they threw him offstage uncerimoniously and some old guy from back stage in a white t-shirt took over.
the girl they picked to play the bass, they said she was a girl at least... she did run up and kiss billie joe, but im sure that was the only female/male contact shes ever had, anyway, she also got kicked offstage after she couldnt quite play bass. another older guy... also in a white t-shirt... took over for her.
obviously those two didnt share my brilliant plan and never learned to play knowledge.
...or instruments.
the kid he picked to play guitar was actually pretty good. so he got to stay.
but the song fell apart. every other time ive seen them the kids they got onstage to play did a great job and they finished the song. and everyone screamed like crazy and we all felt a little bit closer, like we were all in it together.
not this time. this time we, the kids-the band-and the audience, were all singing a different tune. literally. billie joe couldnt even sing the last verse because no one was playing together. i bet it happens alot. but its the first time ive seen it. i hope the kids in new mexico are a little bit more savvy. i know i know, the odds are slim.

BABYS FIRST CONCERT CTD...

everyone at the show was either very old or way way too young. and generally the way too old were there to escort the way too young.
if you bringing a 7 year old to a rock concert, you are an asshole.
you are ruining it for the rest of us.
and, id like to add, that i didnt get to go to a punk show until i was 16. and i certianly would have been properly humiliated to have my parents bring me to a green day concert.
where have our standards gone? have we no pride? does no one remember the rules of concert going?
well, let me remind you of a few of the cheif principals:
a) dont bring your 7 year old, asshole
b) dont ever allow yourself to be seen with your parents
c) you can NOT wear the t-shirt of the band you are there to see. no green day shirt at the green day show. its not proper. its not done. you can wear a band t-shirt only if it advertises a band that proves you are legit. so, you can wear an op ivy shirt to the green day show. you can wear a rancid t-shirt to the green day show. you can wear an n*sync t-shirt to the green day show, but only if you are the sort of person who exhudes irony.
the only exception to this rule is if the green day shirt you were to wear was advertising a tour that was so long ago that it proves you are a real, old school fan.
the worst thing you can do is wear a t-shirt you bought at the swag shack earlier that night.
d) please use deoderant. thats a good rule in every situation.

SHE HOLDS MY MALA KITE SO TIGHT

they played 2,000 light years away. none of the children or old people knew the words. that was satisfying. fuck you, i thought. you should leave in shame. the followed it up with wake me up when september ends and all the children who stood silent during 2,000 light years away suddenly sprang to life with giggles and held their cell phones high. then they were quiet again when the band played she, one of my favorite songs. and again, their shame was delicious.

WHO ARE THE CHAMPIONS?

...we are the champions.
i realized that dorian and I know the green day show. we know it like you know your favorite sit-coms formula. in every episode of friends phoebe says something weird. in every episode of seinfeld george does something awkward. at every green day show they play king for a day, followed by shout. they end with we are the champions. the band leaves the stage. billie joe stands alone and plays time of your life. and its the best. and im in love. and i want to have ten million of his babies. and, most of all, i cant wait to see it again on tuesday.

k.

i hold my breath and close my eyes and dream about her
because shes 2,000 light years away

soon.

in spite of the fact that im sitting at home doing my laundry at 7pm on a saturday night im very excited.
tomorrow is the first show of our green day trip.
monday were heading to new mexico and from there, phoenix, vegas and then LA.

its been such a long time since we decided to do this crazy and fairly dorky trip as our 5 year anniversary gift to each other. whever you have to wait a long time for things it seems like they may never actually happen. and... alot has changed since we bought all the tickets.
...mainly me getting knocked up.
im wondering how that will work out, down on the floor with the sweaty guys and and the scrappy teenage girls and me running around avoiding elbows and protecting my big fat belly. maybe i should have a shirt made that says "please dont smash my baby."
at least the kid is going to its first concert early in life.

another reason im excited is mary.
mary is hot and she knows everyone. mary always has some kind of ridiculous hook up for some sort of awesome happening. mary is getting us in to the secret LA show next tuesday.
mary is also trying to set it up so that i can interview green day at some point during our trip. kind of going for that "scary superfans following the band, finally getting to meet them and then spontaniously combusting" angle.
its a long shot that it will actually happen, but mary is pulling all of her strings.
and mary forrest has pleanty of strings.

if it did happen it would certianly be the raddest fucking thing ive ever done.
it would also be the most terrifying thing i can think of.
what will i say? once i apologize for having peed in my pants i might draw a blank.
of course i will ask billie joe to marry me, but it might get awkward if he points out the fact that we are both already, technically, "married" to "other people."

also, what will i wear? i cant even wear real pants.

the bottom line is that this is going to be an awesome trip.
and, unexpectedly, it will be the last unreasonable and irresponsable thing i get to do before im the mom of a real live baby. aparantly those things need to be supervised at all times.

k.

ive been waiting a long time for this moment to come
im destined for anything at all.